The Loving Father...

[ELI GOODNER]: …I can not fathom this and it makes me want to give up and just let you have them.

Do you understand me?

If this is the way you feel and this is, this is what you’re going to let go on - in life - this is fucking ridiculous.

[HEATHER GOODNER]: Eli, I...

[EG]: And thats how I feel about it.

[HG]: Eli, I have never...

[EG]: Absolutely

[HG]: Eli!

[EG]: So it's in your guys' book.

[HG]: What? What are you…

[EG]: If I have to drive down there to grab the skis from him and switch them out and burn them in the fucking parking lot, I will.

[HG]: Eli, this is, this is a prime example of your...

[EG]: A prime example?

[HG]: You’re, yes…

[EG]: You have no concept of what's going on in a kid's eyes and what he thinks of his parents when he does stuff like that. Do you know what the next step is - do you know what the next step will be, Heather? It'll be something drastic!

[HG]: What are you talking about, Eli? I don't even get what you're talking about - at all. I, I don't even, I don't even get what you're talking about. All he wanted to do was go to a stinking competition, okay? Did he say some things that was hurtful and rude and he's apologized and he realized that? Yeah. Okay? He's 14 years old.

[EG]: And it's alright in your eyes?

[HG]: It's not alright, it's not alright.

[EG] And you're gonna let him go and you're gonna let him find his way you're gonna let him feel like a man at 14 years old.

[HG]: Eli…

[EG]: You're gonna let him feel like I'm… my dad I don't have to listen to my dad I can treat him like shit I'll find my own fucking ride. You're going to let him do that?

[HG]: You…

[EG]: That, thats, that's how you, thats how you want your boys to think.

[HG]: Eli, you told him to find a…

[EG]: That, that, thats, thats how you guys, thats ah, thats wha, thats wh, thats what you're raising. That's what you're telling me?

[HG]: No, Eli. What I'm doing is you freaking…

[EG]: You get this figured out then.

[HG]: You told him to get a ride! I'm so confused. And yeah, we're going to have a conversation.

[EG]: If he gets a ride with someone else other than me or buying his own stinking bus fare.

[HG]: Do, do you think, do you think he really thinks that he wants to go with you after this? He knows you don't want to take him. So that's why I'm confused, which he understands.

[EG]: So, so let me get this straight, Heather. You are encouraging him to get a ride and go down to that ski competition this is what you're doing i just want to make this perfectly clear before i do something

this is what you, this is what you're encouraging in our sons

it must not be the first one maybe this is the fucking problem.

[HG]: What are you talking about?

[EG]: You're you're doing this you're encouraging him to go to the ski ski resort

and do this

you're letting him find a ride and and and you're gonna pack him a lunch and send him on his way?

[HG]: Well, like can you just stop for a second and…

[EG]: I, i’m stopped.

[HG]: okay, what he what he said, what - you said is you need…

[EG]: what he said…

[HG]: you said…

[EG]: I don't care Heather. I don't care what he said.

[HG]: no…

[EG]: What I’m asking - and I don't care what I told him.

[HG]: oh my Go.. well obv…

[EG]: And I don't care what I told him to do.

[HG]: Why? That's a part that's what…

[EG]: Because I, because, because, I , I dont, I don't care what I told him to do. Because it was said out of anger and people say things out of anger.

[HG]: Yeah, exactly. And that's what Asher just did. So thats fair right there. Stop.

[EG]: So You're encouraging him

[HG]: No.

[EG]: to go.

[HG]: Oh my gosh. Am I encouraging him to go? He wants to compete.

[EG]: You're encouraging him to find another ride and fuck dad.

[HG]: No.

[EG]: I don't care what dad says.

[HG]: No.

[EG]: Is that what your saying?

[HG]: No. You told him to find a ride!

[EG]: you figure that out, we'll see we'll see how it goes we'll see what we’ll see what's going on.

[HG]: Eli this is how our whole - your whole life, my whole life - this is a prime example. You freak out, you take control and you act like it you you become a complete rage - insane, stop! Just stop!

[EG]: But a 14 year old boy cuss his dad out.

[HG]: you just talked about…

[EG]: and going to a ski resort.

[HG]: you just

[EG]: and go to a competition.

[HG]: you just talked about rage…

[EG]: this is, this is what you just said this is what you're doing this is a compound of what's going on in all our boys lives in, in in kind of a way okay you are you are encouraging a 14 year old boy son

to shit on his dad

[HG]: I did not tell him…

[EG]: to take advantage of new skis new, new things and talk shit about him after, after this is being done for you and encourage him to go to the ski competition and do it himself.

[HG]: Eli…

[EG]: that's what you're doing

[HG]: oh my word One, I have no idea what he said. Okay.

[EG]: I, I'm telling you what he said.

[HG]: Two…

[EG]: Should I have been fucking re-recording it?

[HG]: Two…

[EG]: Should I, Should I, Should I have been recording it?

[HG]: Could you just…

[EG]: Are you gonna believe me?

[HG]: Could you just stop for a second? You just said something. You said, “I sometimes say things out of anger and rage.” Can you not say the same with Asher? I'm not saying that what he said was right…

[EG]: oh yeah - so that's okay

[HG]: no

[EG]: that's okay - go ahead

[HG]: oh my gosh

[EG]: bye, Heather, I, I am

it's it’s as simple as that and this, and this is the problem with the way you raise and the way I raise okay this right here and the way I was raised and and Chad's dad and Jeremiah's dad and freaking Chad now Chad would have one of his boys strung up with a fucking glue stick beat - if one of them would have talked to Lonnie like that

[HG]: Eli…

[EG]: just, just, just an example and and I know Chad's way better than me, he's there he's a solid dad - he's this but guess what? He didn't have it taken away from him. Okay?

So you can't do that! alright. this is wrong. and if you can't see it.

[HG]: So what are you…

[EG]: That's my wrong I, I can see you're wrong I can see how you think I'm doing wrong for sure and it's not a one up its not this. this, this is a realization of parenting skills ok, I can see your, I can see where I'm bad I can see everybody's point I can see Blaine's point I can even see Asher's point I can see Brody's point I can see it, okay?

[HG]: So I guess I don't get what you're... So - let me just understand this. You told him to... And I don't want you to interrupt. Because I'm just trying to get clarification. You told him to find his own ride. So we just went back to plan A, okay? then - but now you you want to take him but you're gonna leave tomorrow

I'm just trying to understand this cuz I'm confused.

[EG]: You are.

[HG]: what's that?

[EG]: You are 100% confused figure it out.

[HG]: What ? I'm just asking you…

[EG]: Figure it out.

[HG]: are you…

[EG]: you can figure it out.

[HG]: are you wanting to take him

[EG]: you can figure it out. Im stepping down.

[HG]: oh my word…

[EG]: With Asher, I really am.

[HG]: boy thats….

[EG]: You go. I'm going to love him. I'm going to give him hugs when I can.

[HG]: Oh my word.

[EG] This is fucking.

[HG]: You're being reactionary right now.

[EG]: This is fucking, this is this is huge.

[HG]: Eli. Oh my gosh.

[EG]: This is huge.

[HG]: This is, This has been huge for all of our boys for a long time.

[EG]: Yeah.

yeah.

[HG]: Okay.

[EG]: yeah

[HG]: so Im not saying….

[EG]: yeah

[HG]: Listen.

[EG]: yeah.

[HG]: I'm asking. Stop. This is exactly. Stop interrupting.

[EG]: Yeah, for sure. I'm not saying another word. Go for it.

[HG]: Okay. All I'm asking is you're taking him tomorrow? That's my only question.

[EG]: Either I am or he's not going.

[HG]: And and why and how is that related? How is that going to be? I'm just I'm sure he's going to be scared.

[EG]: How is that going to be?

[HG]: yeah yeah I'm just asking you. Your complete…

[EG]: How, how is what going to be?

[HG]: Are you going to not be an asshole to him?

[EG]: Oh, fuck no. I'm going to be a fucking asshole. Absolutely.

[HG]: Well, why do you think he does? He's scared.

[EG]: I'm absolutely going to be an asshole. Okay. That's who I am. So, okay. I didn't know if I would interrupt. That was a question I asked. I answered it. Go for it.

[HG]: No, that's. So, why. And that's the problem. Why are you going to just automatically say, I'm going to be an asshole. That's like, what do you think that's going to fix?

[EG]: I just told you what it was going to be. Because that's who I am. Okay.

[HG]: So why, I'm confused.

[EG]: Because I'm his father and I can be an asshole if I want to be an asshole. Because because because he's my son. He's my 14 year old son. And I can be an asshole if I fucking feel like I'm an asshole, because I feel like I need to be an asshole to make him a better person, because that's where he's at, because he's being an entitled little fuck, and you don't, and the other person that's trying to be, bring him up to be a better person in the world, and being an adult, that's not entitled, and looking for other people, it's not doing their part, so I gotta step up and be an extra fucking asshole, just like I always have been, because it's not getting through obviously was that another question or did i overstep it?

[HG]: uh you just made a statement.

[EG]: I don't know how to do this without without talking i don't want to talk you keep on asking me questions i stay i answer i don't know what i want us to do Heather that's who i am.

[HG]: Eli, so you're saying i'm not doing my part well you're not doing your part so i'm filling in that part.

[EG]: Absolutely

[HG]: Fair enough. Okay.

[EG]: That's fine.

[HG]: But your part is way, way over the top, Eli.

[EG]: Because I have to be.

[HG]: No, you don't.

[EG]: Because, okay, you you oh

uh ah

[HG]: You do not need to be an complete asshole.

[EG]: When? When did I not need to be a complete asshole?

When?

[HG]: Why don't you try to...

[EG]: When when when the last time, the last time I argued with him over my over my freaking phone charger?

[HG]: Eli, I don't know anything, I don’t know anything about this. I'm just talking…

[EG]: ok

[HG]: about...

[EG]: What's that?

[HG]: All I’m, I don't need to know situation, I'm just saying.

[EG]: What do you mean you're just saying?

[HG]: You're…

[EG]: You're getting.

[HG]: Your…

[EG]: He's just an asshole. He's just an asshole. He just yells at me all the time. Why didn't you want to go to Hawaii? Because he yelled at me. That's all you get, Heather.

[HG]: Eli, you're an adult.

[EG]: I know I'm an adult.

[HG]: Okay. Well?

[EG]: So fucking back me.

[HG]: Eli. You've got to gain some composure.

[EG]: Gain some composure?

[HG]: Yes

[EG]: What the fuck, Heather?

[HG]: Eli

[EG]: Composure? This is me and you talking

[HG]: I get it But I know this is how you are with the boys.

[EG]: No, this is how you assume This is what they make you think I am with the boys.

[HG]: Eli?

[EG]: until they a just jus duh duh mmm The conversation was this morning. Okay. How was the conversation yesterday? How did he explain that? How did he explain yesterday to you?

[HG]: What are you talking about? He didn't say any…

[EG]: explain it yesterday to you.

[HG]: What are you... I don't know what you're talking about. About how he was... Wanted to talk to you?

[EG]: Yeah. How did he explain that?

[HG]: Yeah, he said I need I'm going to talk to my dad at 530 and he came back…

[EG]: And when he got back how did he explain it to you?

[HG]: He said my dad had been doing stuff all day and I didn't want to talk to him in that state. Thats what he said. And you had company over

[EG]: Whats that?

[HG]: and you had company over

[EG]: Yeah, because three days prior I didn't even know he wanted to talk to me I thought it was taken care of because he's been asking for money, asking for money. I finally gave him more money. I thought the conversation was over. He didn't state anything other than money to me. So I thought the conversation was over. I talked to him last night.

I talked to him last night Figured there was more. So we talked this morning. Got it handled. Okay? Its.

[HG]: So obviously there's more with Asher too. There's more that is obviously on his heart. Eli, that's how I would look at it.

[EG]: hahahaha

[HG]: I would? Why wouldn’t you?

[EG]: ….Hes so stinking Spoiled. Like we owe him the fucking world. We don't know them fuckers Shit! We don't. Other than being good humans. We need to be good humans.

[HG]: Yep, and that's what I'm working on. But you don't think I'm doing a very good job.

[EG]: That's what I'm working on. Like you're doing it like plural, Heather.

[HG]: No, I'm stating this for me.

[EG]: What's that?

[HG]: I'm just stating for...

[EG]: Thats what I'm stating, in my own way.

do you understand and the conflict that we’re having with our boys is the way we’re raising them.

[HG]: Im not saying…

[EG]: ok, its two different directions, You’ve got a kill em with kindness approach and ive got an asshole approach.

[HG]: I don’t have a kill em with kindness, I have a…

[EG]: Ok?

oh you don’t have a killem with kindness, Jesus H.

[HG]: I'm their mom

[EG]: Huh?

[HG]: I'm their mom we talk about life we talk about you are their mommy and I am their dad and I know in my eyes I've got that blood running through my veins way longer than they ever have and their beautiful human beings they'll be even with an asshole fucking dad that don't spend any good time with them. That isn't a dad, it's just a Disneyland dad. Because guess what? That's what I was handed.

[HG]: Thats not what you were handed, Eli. I encouraged them to go to stay at your house. Go do those... Do the two weeks.

[EG]: Fuck thats not encouraging. It's doing what you're told.

[HG]: Eli, I did for a long time.

[EG]: mmhmmm

[HG]: I did, that's what i did but i can't keep doing it at this age so you're taking asher tomorrow is that what you're saying?

[EG]: that's it yeah yeah absolutely

[HG]: and i and i don't and you should not if you're gonna be an asshole then

[EG]: I'm gonna be exactly his dad, Heather. and if you feel you have to protect them from that, fuck you and that's the way I think you know what I mean? if you feel that you have to protect them from me.

[HG]: Eli you shouldn't have to hit a kid you shouldn't have to do that crap, okay?

[EG]: If if you feel you have to protect them from me, Heather?

[HG]: Do I?

[EG]: Yeah.

[HG]: Not at this. Now they're old enough. They know what's going on. Asher's scared.

[EG]: That's right.

[HG]: I'm not going to lie.

[EG]: That's right.

[HG]: Brody's scared.

[EG]: He should be. He should be scared because he's an inconsiderate little entitled asshole. He fucking should be scared.

[HG]: Eli hes been.

[EG]: because it's either coming from me or some asshole that's gonna knock his teeth out.

[HG]: oh my word

[EG]: do you understand, that's where it's at that's where i shine! sorry it's a realization, it's two different styles.

[HG]: Well

[EG]: and if you can't see it i'm sorry

[HG]: I can let you just keep doing this however you want and you can take him but at the end the end game Eli i'm just telling you it's…

[EG]: it's gonna be just fine

[HG]: yeah

[EG]: okay

[HG] well it's if that's what you think I can't I can't change that that's their choice but.

[EG]: absolutely

[HG]: if you think it's working

[EG]: I'll tell you what letting a kid be his own man at 14 and trying to figure it out instead of saying hey you did what Asher you did what yeah Yeah. That's back it. That's, that's, that's. Come on.

[HG]: I had no way he said what he did was right, but it's also the same. Whatever Eli, I don't even, I don't even have anything to say right now. I guess it just we're going to be here at lunch so either you can talk to Asher I guess that's what you're going to have to do because we were just going back to plan A but I don't all I knew.

[EG]: shit on dad we're going to plan A

[HG]: no I didn't say shit on dad

[EG]: Go ahead shit on dad we're going to plan A let's do it!

[HG]: Eli I never said that

[EG]: Good job. Congratulations. You are a man. That's exactly what you're saying. That's exactly what you're saying to him when you say you're going to plan A.

[HG]: No. Listen.

[EG]: Yes, it is.

[HG]: Eli, I want.

[EG]: Just saying. Just saying. How is a guy supposed to fucking do this and not be an asshole?

[HG]: I didn't tell him…

[EG]: When the kids are in the fucking wrong 100%. I tell you what, if I would have done that, there was no way. My skis would have been fucking up for the year.

[HG]: Eli.

[EG]: My skis would have been up for the year if I would have been talking to my dad like that.

[HG]: Yeah, Eli, I understand that, but you also...

[EG]: Just saying. Just saying.

[HG]: Look at the, like I said, it's not just this. Obviously, there's some...

[EG]: But it is this. It is this. And it's just like the fucking, it's just like the charger wire, Heather. It is this. And it is the charger wire. And these are just the instances that I catch. You understand? You're so blind to what they're doing. So blind.

[HG]: Eli, we can look at this however you want, but the simple fact was,

[EG]: What?

[HG]: I didn't know.

[EG]: What? The simple fact is that he trashed one of our parents, one of his grown parents, and he thinks he's going to this fucking ski competition.

[HG]: You told him to find his own ride, Eli.

[EG]: You are missing the fucking point, Heather, if you're telling him to find his own ride. Do you understand? It was a realization of saying, hey, I do need my dad. I do need this. They are doing a lot. And you're fucking just flying right past it. Like a blind person.

[HG]: Eli…

[EG]: It's unbelievable.

[HG]: You also have to get it from my point. All I knew is that he butt-dialed you. Hey.

[EG]: Because you're blind.

[HG]: Oh, my God. I'm just done talking. Okay, we'll just have to talk to Asher when he gets here. I got to get on the road.

[EG]: We're not going to talk to Asher. I'm either going to take him or not going to take him. And I haven't decided if I'm going to. And if I don't take him, he's not going. Does that make sense?

[HG]: Eli.

[EG]: And that's what's happening. If I don't take him, he's not going. And if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass, guess what? we're not going. And if you if you undermine me and find him a way or do what you need to do or go to plan B now he has his life. Just put it that way. Call it what you want Control or whatever But I've got nothing else in my hands And he's being a fucking prick And he has been for weeks Talk to Blaine Every one of your sons Blaine and Brody think you're creating a monster in half For two or three years They see it

[HG]: You know what, Eli? I'm done. I'm done talking about this because I see a lot of stuff, too.

[EG]: That's fine.

[HG]: So you can just

[EG]: Thats fine

[HG]: stop right there.

[EG]: whats that?

[HG]: You can just stop with that because there's a lot more that you don't see - the way that they treat him.

[EG]: But it all comes Down to this respect, this issue. All of it revolves around this. All of it.

[HG]: Eli.

[EG]: In one shape or form.

[HG]: Eli, I…

[EG]: Do you know why it's so hard to talk to me?

[HG]: Because you don't listen.

[EG]: You're right. I don't. I don't listen. Because I thought about this.

[HG]: we all have thought Eli

[EG]: all I, this is all I think about

[HG]: you don't let other people have their feelings Eli it has to be how…

[EG]: because they, they don't need it that's what fucking growing up is that's what teenage is that's what 20 is you give them the ability to think the way they need to be thinking and then you send them on their way and let them do what they need to do that's what parenting is.

[HG]: Eli you treated me the same way for 17 years so I know

[EG]: okie dokie

[HG]: well it's true

[EG]: Thats fine

[HG]: it's about how you feel it doesn't matter how anybody else feels about something you do what you want to no matter what that's how it's always been always Eli always gets his way

[EG]: You are absolutely taking these places it doesn't need to be we can do that

we can do that but it's right here this conversation is about a freaking entitled little fuck I just need to stop talking like that an entitled little shit do you understand that is there because of a reason okay that has been there for reasons okay he wasn't born that way he was shaped that way of entitlement okay this is what's going on and it needs to be broke it needs to be straightened out it's not going to be straightened out by here you go sorry your dad's an asshole here's a ride

[HG]: he doesn't treat me like that so i don't Eli I

[EG]: because he gets away with murder

[HG]: no

[EG]: and you're creating an animal and that's why they're always in your place can't you open your eyes and see this

[HG]: no Eli it's not

[EG]: Then then it's your fault

[HG]: it's my fault?

[EG]: then it's your fault if you can't see this situation and how it involves about every argument we've ever had with the kids. It's your problem.

[HG]: It's my problem.

[EG]: If you cannot see what's going on right now with Asher.

[HG]: What about the other boys? I'm just saying, you just said everything. It's always my problem. That is that is…

[EG]: Asher is your problem. This right here is Asher. This is a different situation. Blaine is a different situation. Brody has a total different situation. And you're trying to group them all in one. They are three different human beings.

[HG]: Yeah, but they all had it.

[EG]: And what I'm saying, you are creating a monster with Asher over an entitlement, and I am being the asshole in his eyes, and obviously your eyes, because of it. And it's compounded to him. It was a little bit on Blaine, a little bit on Brody, and it's fucking dialed for Asher of what's going on.

[HG]: All I'm saying is if you You better not be Asher doesn't need

[EG]: I don't give a I am 100% Capable of handling Asher

[HG]: yeah and last time…

[EG]: Do you understand? Without someone freaking Protecting him.

[HG]: yeah Do you remember when you hit Brody? That didn't work

[EG]: I remember when I hit every one of my boys. You understand.

[HG]: Yeah, well, you don't hit him.

[EG]: And you know what? I remember, I wish I would have hit Asher.

[HG]: Yeah.

[EG]: I wish I would have knocked his nose in him. I promise you. I wish I would have slapped him.

[HG]: Yeah. I wish I would have slapped him over that. We wouldn't be having this conversation.

[HG]: Oh, my word. Yeah, that really works.

[EG]: It's the only one I haven't physically fucking put to his fucking, put to a break. And he's the one that's going to fucking back. He's the one.

[HG]: You're the one. You've ruined Brody over that. And you just don't even see it.

[EG]: What's that?

[HG]: You have ruined Brody emotionally over that.

[EG]: Oh, I have ruined Brody over that?

[HG]: Hey.

[EG]: That's what I've done. I've traumatized him.

[HG] Oh, Eli. I just don't know why you think hitting somebody is the answer. I've ruined him. Because you're not a male. You're not. You're not. You have, you're a female. Do you understand? And I tell you what, a kid that's been popped the fucking nose would not be talking to his dad like that. nor anybody in his life. And that's where you get respect from. From the fight. From the fucking responses. From the reaction. And guess what? They're Goodners And I know what they react to.

[HG]: Alright.

[EG]: Okay.

[HG]: Okay, Eli.

[EG]: Okay.

[HG]: Alright, bye.

[EG]: Bye.